Apparently I Have Crappy Friends

If this is true, then I really only  have one friend and my family.  That sounds so sad when I actually have to look at it.  I really like this quote, though, because, when you think about it, it makes a lot of sense.

Why should we try to cultivate friendships when we are the only ones who care?  It reminds me of all the craptastic people I have friended on Facebook who I haven't seen in 10 years or more.  A lot of them are just people I went to school and never hung out with.  Whatever, I don't care that we don't talk.

But the people I was friends with?  The ones I reached out to and nothing ever came of it?  They can go screw themselves.  I realize a lot has changed since high school, but I spent a lot of time with some of these girls.  Like, every single day of the week.  We got driven to school together, walked home together, and hung out every day.  We went to concerts together.  Now, nothing.

One person in question actually lives down the street from me.  I see her sometimes and we always say we will hang out one day.  And I make the effort to do it.  I invite her to come to the zoo with me and my kids, or to take a walk-then nothing.  It sucks, and I don't know why I waste my time on people who were friends who now don't care.

Another girl comes to mind as well.  We were both outcasts in school, and in the same honors and AP classes.  We ate lunch together between the stacks in the library.  I've reached out to her a few times and she couldn't even be bothered to attempt to make plans.  This was a girl who I liked so much that I lost my popular friends for sticking up for her.  I bet I could pass her on the street now and she wouldn't give me the time of day.  I never had a lot of friends, so it's not fun when the old ones dump me.

Then there was college, where I met a lot of awesome people, many of whom were in my major, screenwriting. Which was good, because our major had a grand total of 15 students.  In our classes, you really got to know everyone and you loved them or hated them (although I only hated one girl, and only after we lived together for a year).  A lot of us shared apartments.  Thankfully, I still talk to a few people in college and even though we don't spend a lot of time together.  I still consider many of them my friends.


Then I have my best friend, Lady.  We met on the first day of college and hit it off right away.  And she had her car with her in Philadelphia.  I needed a car to come home to New York every weekend to see my then fiance.  She lived in an apartment, not a dorm like me, and went home on weekends too.  We spent a lot of time in the car together those 4 years.  Actually, we just spent a lot of time together.

We met up every morning and walked to class, went to lunch between classes, and went to each other's apartments after class.  I don't know why we never became roommates because we spent pretty much every waking moment together for 4 years.  I love her to death.  She knows all my dirty little secrets, and we've been with each other through good times and bad, through breakups and problems.

Even though we only see each other a few times a year now, we're still really close.  We usually meet up on birthdays and Columbus Day (which means I get to see her Monday, woohoo!).  She and her fiance love my kids, and his kids love playing with mine, even though they're older (although it is pretty funny to see a 3 year old beat up on a 7 year old).  This summer, I had a big birthday party for me and we spent hours reminiscing about college with another guy from our major (my boyfriend and her fiance and the kids all fell asleep waiting for us to wrap it up).

It is really hard for me to make new friends.  I've been hurt so many times by people that I put up a wall.  I'm sure a lot of people who don't know me well are intimidated by me or think I'm a bitch.  But I have my family and a few close friends (okay only 1 close friend and a few other friends), and that's enough for me.  Because I know they care about me and won't judge me for stupid things.  I can be myself and not worry about it.  They just get a bigger piece of my heart and that is good enough for me.


This post was written in response to a prompt from this Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop.  5.) I have no idea where the following message originated from, but it’s been floating around Facebook for the past week…who does it make you think about? (message in photo at top of post)