Sunday, August 21, 2011

Baby Love!

My kids are growing up too fast.  T is starting preschool in a few weeks.  We fought and finally won at getting him in a therapeutic preschool to address his speech, behavioral, and social issues.  I can't believe my baby is leaving me for school so soon.  Princess is smack in the middle of the terrible 2's, and she doesn't let me forget it for a minute.  And Goober, well, he will turn 1 in less than a month.  Where did my little babies go?

T as a baby-January 2008

 I love everything about babies.  I loved being pregnant, and I love how newborns fit into the crook of your arm and will peacefully stay there all day.  I love how babies smell, even when they poop (yeah, I know that's kind of gross, but it's true).  I love watching them drift off to sleep as I feed them a bottle.

I also know I'm looking back on my kids being babies with rose-colored glasses.  I suffered from postpartum depression with T and Princess.  Thankfully, I was okay after I had Goober.  If you've never had PPD, let me just tell you that it is awful.  I felt like a terrible mother.  I had horrifying thoughts constantly running through my head. For weeks, I didn't have a bond with my children-they were like aliens I was forced to take care of.  I was mean to the boyfriend when he tried to point out that I wasn't acting right.  Even though deep down I needed help, I did not want to accept that anything was wrong with me because I wanted to be the perfect mother.  Now I realize that no one is perfect, and once I finally sought help and bonded with my babies, everything was incredible.

Princess as a baby-January 2009
Goober was kind of my make up baby.  I bonded with him immediately when he was born.  It was pure bliss.  I adore all 3 of my kids, but the bond I felt towards Goober when he was born was absolutely incredible.  I have doted on him every minute since his birth.  He is with me 24/7.  I hog him from everyone, including his dad.  He has slept in the bed next to me every night since he was born, even though this got me in trouble at the hospital (the nurses are so anti co-sleeping, it is nuts).  I am terrified of him growing up.  I cried when he started walking because it meant my baby wasn't really a baby anymore.

Goober and me-September 2010

I've actually thought about having another baby since I love them so much, even though I know this is totally irrational.  I can barely handle my kids now, and can't imagine how difficult it would be with another baby in the house.  Plus, I can't afford it-all 3 of my kids are still in diapers, and between that and the cost of formula, let's just say it's expensive.  Not to mention that the boyfriend would kill me if I got pregnant again.  I'm pretty sure he is done for good with having babies.

That won't stop me from dreaming about another baby, though.  But until that time comes, I will squeeze every last drop of baby enjoyment from Goober before he really grows up into a toddler.

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