Monday, August 22, 2011

Don't Judge Me!

I despise how people are so judgmental, especially women.  That's not to say that I haven't come across men who inaccurately judge, but more on them later.  Women are crazy and fickle and mean, and I don't understand them, even though I am one.  Sometimes, I don't even understand me.  This may be why I can count my friends on just one hand, and my children never have play dates with other people's kids.  I hate to admit it, but I judge people too.  But I absolutely hate it when people judge me, especially because it's usually over something really trivial and stupid.

I get really upset and annoyed when people judge me as a person and a mother by my tattoos.  This happens very often.  I have 14, and I got them all before I had any kids.  And I do not regret a single one. My mother hates my tattoos and always wants me to cover them up or get them removed.  I don't mind her nagging because she's my mom.  The boyfriend wants me to cover up when we go out to a nice restaurant.  This doesn't bother me either.  I get the fact that it may be inappropriate to have my mostly nude pinup tattoo showing when we are going somewhere fancy.  However, I'm not going to cover it up all the time, and as far as I'm concerned, it's too damn bad if I don't know you and you don't like it.  That's your problem, not mine.

Yeah, I also have the boob tattoo-but it's mine and the boyfriend's initials, people
Don't assume I'm a bad parent because I have tattoos.  You can look totally conventional, wear a business suit, and abuse your kids and be a horrible person.  My tattoos have absolutely no bearing on my ability to parent my children.  I'm a good mom, and if you know me, this is obvious.  And the tattoos are mine, not my kids', so why do you not want your child to play with mine?  Are they lesser beings because of me?  The way some people think is ridiculous.  I don't judge you for wearing ugly/too tight/inappropriate clothes or jewelry, so don't judge me just because I have tattoos.  However, if you are going to judge me because of this, I really don't want to know you anyway.

I also hate that people judge me for not breastfeeding my children.  Even in the hospital right after birth, the nurses were chastising me.  Really?  I didn't know it was the end of the world.  I was surprised when even strangers came up to me in public while bottle-feeding my children and pretty much equated bottle-feeding with bad parenting.  Seriously people, you don't know my story so don't jump to conclusions.  I would have loved to have breastfed, but I couldn't.  It's not that I didn't try hard enough or have enough desire to either.  I have breast hypoplasia, also known as tubular breasts.  I had them surgically corrected when I was 20, so they look normal now, but I couldn't breastfeed.  It was mortifying in school to have my breasts look like they did.  And it was sad I couldn't breastfeed, no matter how hard I tried.  No amount of pumping would get more than one to two ounces out of each breast.  And you know how it feels when you are breastfeeding and you need to pump, and your breasts get really hard an painful?  The bottom half of one breast felt like that all the time.  It sucked on so many levels.  My oldest son, T, lost over 1 1/2 pounds before his first doctor's visit at one week old when I tried to breastfeed him.  It wasn't okay, and I tried for 4 months to up my milk supply, and I never happened.  So I don't appreciate the negative feedback about something I am physically incapable of doing, thank you very much.

Stop judging me on my clothes.  I'm tall, and I like to wear cute shoes, even if it's just to the grocery store.  Don't gawk at me and nudge your friends because when I'm in my heels, I'm 6'2".  It makes me happy, and I do it for me, not you.  Same with my makeup.  I love makeup, especially bright makeup.  It is not unusual for me to wear 3 different eyeshadows and fuschia lipstick.  I do it because I feel glamorous and sexy with it on.  I'll admit that some days it is a little over the top, but I didn't ask for your opinion, so don't give it to me.  I hate unsolicited advice.

This is pretty typical-bright, bright, bright!

I also hate it when random people judge my kids.  I went to the Bronx Zoo one day when T was about 2 1/2.  When he didn't want to be in the stroller anymore, I put him in his backpack/baby leash.  And people were nasty to me about it.  Sorry I don't want him to run away or get lost.  He has behavioral and emotional issues and throws awful tantrums.  He can also get violent when he's angry, and he has no concept of personal space.  I've found that the personal space thing really bothers most other children, and I don't want him running up to you and poking your kids.  Just because your children are 'normal' and have no delays doesn't mean all kids are.  That said, I'm not going to keep him home all the time because of this.  There was a grandmother at the zoo that same day with 4 of her grandkids.  One wasn't behaving and started to scream and cry.  She grabbed the kid's face by his chin and threatened to whup him if he didn't stop.  When she let go, the kid had red marks on his face.  No one who saw this batted an eye.  So you can be borderline abusive in public to your kids and it's okay, but I put a baby leash on mine and I'm a bad mother.  What the hell is wrong with people?

Now I'll get back to men.  They judge too, and it's pretty much the opposite of how women judge me.  Having a pinup tattoo on my arm does not mean I'm a stripper, or easy.  No, I do not want to go out with you or go home with you.  Do you treat all women like that?  Same with my heels and makeup.  Just because I'm out somewhere and put together doesn't mean I'm looking for a guy.  I'm here with my kids, thank you.  Leave me alone when I tell you to.  I'm not playing hard to get, I just want to get away from you.  And even if I didn't have an awesome boyfriend and did want a date, it wouldn't be with you.  I don't go for old, grungy, hairy biker guys or young, obnoxious wannabe-rappers.

So just stop judging people over every little thing.  Frankly, it's none of your business, and you should focus on your own shortcomings instead of the ones you perceive in others.


  1. I officially love you. Thank you for following my Twitter and being the mirror image of who I am in my head (sorry, no tattoos, I just... well... can't. It's a mental thing, the Husband can have as many as he want PLUS the ones I won't get.) And yours, btw, ARE LOVELY! I would immediately want to be your BFF if I met you at the park and you didn't immediately roll your eyes at me because I am pretty Martha Stewart to your Kat Von D. ((Please don't be the one person who hates her or I will feel REALLY dumb.))

  2. Thank you for liking me and my tattoos! I do think Kat Von D is awesome, as is Martha Stewart.